WMHB: The Internet-friendly Guard

We’ve been working on the edits of the Evenfall rewrites this weekend. We broke the book into quadrants so we’ve been working on different chapters. I’m editing a scene in Evenfall chapter 22, and I cannot tell you how much I want to write something in dialogue I really just can’t do. But if I can’t stick it in story, at least I can blog about it.

Behind a cut for spoilers in Evenfall chapter 22.

This is the scene as it’s currently edited:


“What the hell is this?”

“If you read it, you’ll see it gives me clearance—”

“To release Vega to his apartment, yeah, I went to kindergarten, too,” the guard said snidely. He waved the paper in the air and glowered at Boyd. “I mean, this makes no fucking sense. This isn’t protocol. We get orders through chain of command, not through agents prancing around with special clearance straight from the Marshal.”

What I really really omg you guys don’t understand! want to have the guard say in that last line is:


“We get orders through chain of command, not through agents prancing around with their special snowflake paperwork.”

He can be the internet-friendly guard, all hip to the lingo from nearly a decade prior in an alternate timeline, right? I mean, that’s pretty normal, right?


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